It was a high climb in the Methow mountains

September 2016, deadly ill, fighting and fighting in the only way what could save my life. Some surgeries were done but the life saving surgeries were impossible, straight chemo therapy had no use, the only remedies that could give results,- if my body did accept it, were immune therapy infusions. By triggering my immune system due this infusions, my body had to do the rest….-my mind even more..No whining and keeping up being positive how difficult my life already was. I haven’t cried once when I got diagnosed. I simply refused to think it was my time. I had fought for this life so hard and when I finally was where I belong, I would die? No way! My body decided to give it a change, I definitely helped it! Mind over body..I wanted to live. With wounds on my calf and even open wounds in my croin, I climbed the mountains of Methow. A back pack full of brainwaves. My skin patched with vitiligo, which meant the pigment in my skin did dissappear. A result of the infusions that actually started to work. I saw my face in pictures like this one, ugly spotted, my fingers darker than the rest of my hands, which started to get pale. In my neck the color did dissappear totally, my lips turned pink instead of the nice red I used to have.. even a small vitiligo spot near my eye started to look like a tear.. Hubby called me a pinto..I had to laugh about. I didn’t cry..I felt the people looking at me, when I came in public. At home I was just who I was..Most obvious were my hands..which they still are. Giving people money at the cashier, or pointing some out, I felt them staring..-but no one ever did ask what it was. I tried to hide it in the first place after that experience, insecure like I was..but then I had enough of it, like I still have. I consider them my survival tattoos! I’m proud about it. The only reason I cover it up is the hard burning sun. My spots have thin skin and are easily hurt. Also a reason why I often wear fingerless gloves. The last 2 years the spots got less and a little more smooth. I can put up a layer of make up if I want..but hey..I like to be me. I did it! I did it myself. I had no help other than hubby, who is a Marine and just thinks as hard and practical as it was. No whining, surviving is also his skill. No psychological help, no financial help because believe me, unless I have a darn good health insurance, we had to pay a lot for treatment. So many things what also was needed had to put simply aside..And here I am..7 years after being diagnosed with advanced melanoma cancer that started with a tiny spot on my calf. I’m a survivor! Something is said lately by my oncologist that was almost impossible years ago. The word is : cured!

Okay all you can say what you want now, I started myself ha! ..weirdo, crazy, lunatic..whatever.. Experiencing what really living means, is such a treasure..Nobody can take that away ever. I noticed in these difficult times that some people start to realize that too..and some simple never learn. I can’t help with it how much I like it to prevent them for awful times. One thing I have learned is, when it happens, you are on your own. Okay maybe your partner helps a lot and maybe you got lucky with more caring people ..but it is pretty much you, who has to fight all by your own. An experience that opened my eyes, heart and soul. A conciousness that couldn’t be avoided. I could see it as something hard and bad, -that wouldn’t help much and made it a sad waste of time,.. or I accepted it, embraced it, learned from it and feel after all the power I , as individual , can have. Please take the reins in your hands, hold that pen of your own written story. Live ! It’s the biggest gift, you ever will get!, Cheers!,

( picture : Hugging the rocks during a 7 hours hike to the waterfalls with hubby and dogs in the healing mountains of Methow close to home)